I AM ALIVE!!!

New blog entry
Today I flew down to Sydney in a 767 for lunch AGAIN!!!!

This time I had a friend with me. This is what teachers call level 2 competency learning where the individual completes a task with only partial assistance.

Now onto ‘chemical assistance’ – while I don’t condone the use of tranquilisers in facing ones fears as I hv had personal experience in how addictive they can be – I have enlisted the guidance and counsel of my doctor to show me how to use them in the most effective way without pulling the tiger’s tail. I feel that given everything I learned in the Fearless Flyers course and flying drug free for the first time in twenty years bears credence to the value in doing the course – however (yes Madalyn – I can hear you tsk tsk-ing right now) but in my case i feel that given i experience a literal ‘asthma of the nerves’ as my psychologist put it – i feel that the use of these drugs for a limited timeframe will aid in my recovery – it only takes the edge off am experience that is now becoming more familiar and I aim in time to reduce my reliance on tranquilisers. Right now I am sticking to a regime of I have a crutch that just helps me get thru. My confidence with each flight is building and I have felt a definite shift in my recovery on a scale of 1-100 – I started at -5, then after the first fearless flight it moved to 35, to my trip to Sydney it moved to 85 ESP since I was tranquilised. Let me hasten to add here that I have been practising Madalyn’s relaxation twice a day PLUS I have been rereading her booklet, reviewing Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway by Susan Jeffers PLUS Dr Burns The Feeling Good Hand book – especially the chapter on how to deal with fears by testing them using a variety of techniques.

Keep a record of your Panic Attacks to see how long they last Time: 0-99 rating: Thoughts:

The experimental method
Paradoxical technique
Shane-attacking
Confront your fears
- sudden exposure or flooding
- gradual exposure
- the partnership
Daily mood log
The cost benefit analysis
Positive imaging
Distraction
The acceptance paradox
Gettin in touch

All these and more I have been practicing – I am so focussed on eradicating this fear I feel that in time, and that is key, in time, I will feel more comfortable about flying. It is like a muscle – it has to be developed – it doesn’t happen overnight, but it will happen – that much is a certainty. The road ain’t easy but it had brought so many gifts and raised my consciousness in an almost spiritual sense if the word.

We had a fabulous day in Sydney – we hired a car and drove to Stanwell Tops in Sydneys Royal National Park. It was so hot up there but while we were driving thru the back of beyond I felt the old panick start to arise – what if I hyperventilate and we are miles away from anywhere and suddenly I realised that I know what to do no matter what or where I am – it’s OK!!!! I am OK!!!! Whoooooo!

I felt a surge of confidence and my spirit soared while the realization washed over me just how restrictive this fear had been for me and how I had receded from all spheres of my life that I really used to enjoy, especially that which feeds my soul -being on nature – this, nature, is what feeds my life essence, my mana, my spirit, my energy. Whooooohoooo! I feel so fucking ALIVE!

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Posted via email from Fearless Flyer Nikki